Splashing In Puddles of Sand

A Victim of my Imagination

I've had a lot of unrequited love in my life and today I feel the need to reflect on it. Some of my unrequited loves have been close friends, others-guys that I knew but not very well...but they all had some things in common though.

Unrequited love is torture. There is nothing more agonizing, more horrible, more distressing than loving someone who doesn't love you back. It's incredible how you make yourself feel like this one person is able to light up your world, when all they do is make you miserable because they just cant, they wont, love you. And it's not always that they mean to hurt you, or they want to hurt your, or they even know how they stab at your soul with every minute that passes while in your prescence when they dont reciprocate your feelings. It's funny how you can let yourself believe so much, you imagination takes you so until one day you crash back into reality.

And I can't forget about the empty pit in your stomach that you feel when you long for them. When you ache for them. When you lie awake at night wondering what you have to do, what you could do, what you would do, to make them fall in love with you.

It's so unfair how you question yourself, how you wonder what is wrong with you, what it is that the other person cant see.

But there's something so...endearing...about my past unrequited loves. I don't know if everyone goes through it...I guess I just think of it as being a huge part of my adolescence. But everyone that I loved back then, I still remember fondly. Sometimes I still contemplate what could have been, sometimes I feel relief that nothing did happen. In some cases I can now see why nothing happened, in other cases, I still wonder...

I guess relationships that never reached--what you believe--is their full potential will always stay with you. Because you never get the answers, you never get the closure of real relationships. You dont get to fight, to break up, to get mad at one another. You will always hold the fond memories, the images of 'what could have been' in your head.

So today I have started (what will be a long period) of thinking about all those guys I have loved who never found themselves on the 'same page' as I have been. Maybe I will blog about some of them. I'll create secret code names for them all. hehehe.

Another thing I like is when I think about all the guys I've loved who probably never even knew it. And that reminds me of how many people loved me without me ever knowing! haha. (Andy---Leo Leiva comes to mind! haha, but if I would have known I'd have robbed that cradle a long time ago!!!!! jejeje)

Does anyone else have unrequited loves or am I the only loser? haha! It's been a long time since I've loved someone that I haven't been able to have. I guess that's a good thing, but at the same time, it means I haven't felt those feelings in a long time. Maybe it's masochistic or sadist of me to say that it's almost nice to suffer through the feelings of unrequited love. Maybe I just say that because it's been so long since I have felt that agony. Sometimes it seems like you love the people you can never have more than the people who are there for the taking...

posted by Oreo @ 8:25 PM