Glued Together
I wanted my blog title to be called 'Falling Together' today...but nothing really is falling together so I didn't see the point. So glued together feels more like it. I feel like I'm going through the motions in everything I do. I go to work, do my job, I come home and it's like everyone I ever talk to I have the same meaningless conversations with...how was you day? work? college? blah blah blah!!!It's been so long since I've been on the edge of my seat....about anything. I want to be amazed, I want to be enthralled, I want to be thrilled. I've had this weird taste in my mouth lately...at first I thought I was imagining it but it really is there. There's a term for when writer's reflect their feelings in the weather (e.g if they are in a bad mood it will be stormy weather, happy it will be sunny, etc.)...it's called pathetic fallacy. I'm sure there's a term for my body coinciding with the way I am feeling...I just dont know it...
A few of my friends have been saying to me that I'm not myself lately. I miss me. I used to be cool :) I miss being fun and crazy and weird and...happy. ARGH!!!! I dont like feeling like this...feeling so..blah! I guess it is harder than I thought it would be to adjust to not being in college anymore. Why did I have to graudate, why????
I miss feeling alive.
Which is why I need to get away. I need to get away from the meaningless monday to friday, 9-5 day filled with meaningless hours of meaningless work. I need to get meaning back in my life...I need to feel passion again. For that reason I have realized how much I miss Brian, how much I miss studying Politics(haha I'm such a loser! I miss my International Relations classes!)
I miss having things that make me think. Things that make me feel. I'm such an emotional person, usually my two biggest problems are thinking too much and feeling too much...lately the only emotions I have are negative....so that needs to change. I guess life is teaching me two things. First of all I can never do a job I dont LOVE. I cant be a person who is content with just getting paid at the end of the month. No way...I need something I am passionate about...something I would do even if it weren't for the money. I want to feel like I am doing something good. I want to change the world, fix it, make it better. Handing the population of Ireland credit cards doesnt meet that criteria :)
Secondly, I need to find away to rekindle my inner flame. I haven't figured out what needs to be done there yet. It's not losing Brian because I was myself before I met him. It's not a problem with anyone else, it is a problem with myself which is even worse because I dont know how to fix it. But at least I know the real Rhona hasn't gone away forever...she's just confused and lost for a little while...
How can I be going through a quarter-life crisis? My care-free, laid-back, fun-loving, relax-and-life-will-be-ok attitude's been stripped from me in only 21 years?
I don't think so....not if I have anything to do with it...
posted by Oreo @ 5:00 PM
3 Comments:
You and I are so alike. I've quit my job as a lawyer, the job I have always dreamed of having, to travel the world. The adventure begins in March. That was the outcome of my "quarter life crisis". Ask yourself one question - what is the one thing you would love to do, but know you cant do it, but somehow found a way to do it?
k
i think it's called "growing up"
Allow it to be a journey. Stop resisting against it. It is taking you there for a reason. You just dont know of the reason yet.
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