MEN-TAL ILLNESS!
Today I'm tired...tired of the same old nothingness. I'm tired of getting on the road, starting something new, something amazing, something I could never have imagined being so good. Then it all goes down. It all collapses. It makes no sense to me. How do I get everything that I have ever wanted and it just slips through my fingers?Relationships are so *FUCKED UP!*. I'm over it all...I want to become a hermit. Or a lesbian haha. I want to stay away from men. After Will I knew I needed a break...I just wanted to be on my own and steer clear of men. Then Rune came along and I realized he was the only guy other than Brian who actually lived up to ALL of my standards! Since it was only the second time in 21 years a guy like this has come along I threw my singledom plan out the window and went with it. But he's complicated. So there were ups and downs and finally something comes of it...the day before I am set to leave....with no idea when I am coming back. But it was all good and after I get back from Fiji we finally have a full 48 hours of JUST the 2 of us, something we've never had before, and it was amazing. It could really work between us! But like I said, i had to leave so he takes me to the train station and we stand kissing goodbye in true hopeless-romantic fairytale style.
But NOW...after all that perfectness...NOTHING. I understand that men DO this..but I dont understand WHY. I dont see how they can just shut people out of their minds without a second thought. Will did the same thing to me for like a week...I heard nothing. No "how are you", no "i miss you" nothing. And it pisses me off. And now Rune's doing the same thing and I hate justfiying it and saying "well he's a guy so he is gonna do this". And I hate how guys justify it by saying htey had to do it, or it was too hard or shit...dont they realize how shit it is to be the girl, questioning why you've just been shut out after things went so well?!?!?!?!
I'm used to men. I'm used to them acting like this. brian's the only guy i can think of that never acted like this...but he's a freakish exception to all the rules. So why do men do this? ANY body know? I want to know for peace of mind...it doesnt really matter though...I'm staying away from men...FOR GOOD (let's see how long this lasts...one day, two...maybe a week?)
2 Comments:
oh.. there's trouble in paradise i see.
i really don't know what to say.
i've never been stuck in that situation.. never gotten to know a guy so much that i'll actually wait for him to call, or email.
i always put this shield up when i get to the place i know that i'll be leaving and never let "love" enter my life.
*hugs*
...fear of commitment...fear of letting out too much emotion...fear of change...
Who knows, these are just some ideas. Some guys do change as they get older however.
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