Neopolitan thoughts
I have a lot in my mind right now and I dont know what to write and what not to...First of all I am thinking about my trip. I am getting really excited trying to plan it out, but sort of stressed as well. I know it will be amazing, and the planning is fun, but I am a VERY indecissive person and that is a problem in itself, but then when it comes to thinking about how much money I need and how much time I should go for and trying to sort out plans, it stresses me out! argh! haha. But it is a good stress I guess :)
I had this dream the other night...I guess it was about how I wish things could be. In it me and Brian were still together, and we were planning this trip together. The two of us were getting ready to take the world on together...and it made me so happy but so sad as well. I guess this last week I have been thinking about us a lot and I really wish I could make 'us' work. But it is so hard to find time for myself never mind for someone I really love and don't want to drag through the mud again. So I am alone. Going on this trip alone. Making plans alone. Ah well...
One more thing...Is there ever a point in life when we give up on only feeling satisfied if we are amazed, exstatic, fabulous, and just decide that not feeling un-happy is good enough? I dont know how complacent I should feel...should I be happy that things are ok or sad that they aren't everything I-as an *idealist*-wish they could be?
posted by Oreo @ 5:40 PM
4 Comments:
You're right: you are alone, you're makin plans alone, you are going alone, and one more thing:
You're coming BACK alone, and you're coming BACK to me and we can get BACK together and then neither of us will be alone anymore!
Brian
My heart goes out to you both, even though I dont know the details of what has really gone on. But I learnt earlier this year, after letting go of someone I love dearly)the following:
You cant be with someone in order to "complete" you. You need to be two WHOLE individuals. You need to compliment, not supplement, each other. Get to a point where you are "whole" and then work it out. Oreo, you say yourself that there are parts of you that you feel are missing. Go and find them. Then come back. You arent going to find them when you have someone "supplementing" those things that you should be finding on your own.
And it is all about timing. I believe that you can love someone, but to love each other, its all about timing.
The time will come for you guys one day. But just becareful that you both dont have "tunnel vision". As hard as it may seem right now, the "tunnel vision" may be preventing you both from either moving on, finding new experiences, or actually meeting someone (as hard as it is to imagine right now) that is a little more "right" for you.
Hope this helps.
maybe alone isn't that bad after all...
3 comments on your comments:
1)Brian's been here! I like your post :)
2)Thanks Kate
3)Being ALONE isn't that bad...being lonely sucks. I wish I could go back to being alone and feeling good...lately I haven't been able to though...
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