Splashing In Puddles of Sand

Love is Beautiful

This morning I woke up and I was searching the bed for Brian. I dont know why...I must have dreamt of him or something, but I expected him to be there and when I realized he wasnt there I had to cuddle with a pillow as I thought about him. This is a James Blunt song, called Goodbye my Lover. The first time I heard it I felt a connection, it brought a surge of memories and images to my head. This time last year we were experiencing so many new feelings, situations, moments with one another. It makes me miss him so much...but I know he's still there which is a big comfort.

This time last year I was falling in love with him...and sometimes I wonder how I can be more in love with him now than ever before, yet somehow feel alright with us not being together. It doesn't make sense to me. And people hear me talk about him and how much I love him and all the incredible feelings I have for him and how I can only say *AMAZING* things about him and they ask why I broke up with him, and if I regret it. But I dont. We needed it. We're 22 and 21 and too young to be at the stage that we were. We need to live, we need to learn about ourselves first. But everything he has done for me, all the miles we both clocked up visiting one another, all the moodiness he put up with, all the money we spent on phone credit,the drunken 'I miss you!' phone calls at 3am on a Thursday morning, all the classes we skipped to see eachother because we couldn't wait till Friday evening, the first time I was truly honest with him and told him I loved him, something I had dificulty accepting myself (commitment-phobe here), all the fun, the laughter, the days and days we spent alone in bed because we had each other and that was all we wanted. That was all we needed. But now all of a sudden I realize maybe I cant just need him and only him. Maybe I need myself. Maybe I need to do things that I need to do, not what we need to do. And the fact that he can accept that, that he can still talk to me and listen to all my drama and all my problems and be the first person I turn to, knowing that I can't be anything more than a friend to him right now, that makes him even more amazing to me.

Anyway, I guess I realized I blog about missing Brian but not about why...so this is a little proof that I cling to proving that love does exist (according to Rhona).

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

posted by Oreo @ 2:59 PM