Splashing In Puddles of Sand

Weekend Revival

This weekend did something amazing to my soul...I feel like I have been resuscitated. Friday night was my work Christmas party. It was something I wasn't sure I wanted to go to...most of the people I work with aren't people I'd generally be friends with out of work. But I decided I would go. I had such a fun night...during the day on Friday I decided I would make the most of it and I was in a really good mood and I took advantage of the night to talk to people I normally wouldn't talk to at work to just branch out a little. I ended up teaching two of my older male managers how to look 'cool' and how to act my age instead of theirs! I ended up home at 4:30 and I had to get up at 8 to take my sister to the airport! Then me and my mom went to Northern Ireland.

I saw Brian last night...first time since the last break up. We've been talking for over a month and we're totally comfortable talking to one another again so I finally got to see him. It was nice...very nice. I feel like we've grown so much, not just as friends....our friendship as a whole has evolved. The first time we decided we could still be friends after breaking up we were talking to one another 2 days after we broke up and we both still had feelings for one another and...it was like we never broke up at all really. After taking a few hard months away from one another, and then slowly regaining confidence in our friendship, I feel like we've never been closer. We know where we stand with one another finally. And I think we both finally understand that yes, maybe feelings are still there, but we know how to control them, we know we cant be toghether and we both finally can honestly say we are ok with it.

Then there was today. I was at my Granny's house and this guy, David, came over. I fell in love :) Unfortunatley he's my second cousin, in his late 30s, and has a wife and 2 kids. But I still fell in love :) I didn't even remember who he was...I probably havent seen him in the last 8 years. But he came in and totally renewed my faith in so many things. First of all he was such a nice guy, just so...cool. He's totally a guy I would go for. But I think when I really melted was when he was holding his 3 month old baby girl. He was so in love with her, and I remember the look in his eyes when he was saying that seeing her smile at him first thing in the morning makes his day. The look in his eye and the way he held her made me so...jealous. I want that life. Not now, I'm too young, but definitely one day. To top it all off he plays rugby :) haha--of course he found his way into my heart! So here I am sitting in a room with an amazingly friendly, charming, good looking, rugby playing man, who is sitting telling me how much he adores his baby girl. He's my perfect man. He's manly, yet strong enough to be vulnerable. I was amazed.

I would have gone home with him if it weren't for a)the wife b)my mother and grand-mother who wouldn't have looked favourably on the incestous relationship I was willing to have with their cousin/nephew and c)the fact that he loved his life too much to want me! Haha! I did get his number though, because he told me to call him if I ever needed rugby tickets (I told him he'd regret it because come February I'll have him on speed-dial).

To be honest I'm afraid of marriage because I am afraid of what could happen. You always hear about men cheating on their wives, about couples that fight like crazy, about realizing one day you have fallen out of love. I'm afraid of that. I only want one wedding. I want to marry the man of my dreams, and wake up every morning knowing that I did. But being an idealist sometimes I come back to reality and I realize it wont be like that. People fight, there will be rough patches, life cant be great all the time. But today Dave and his family let me be an idealist again. I found out my perfect man is out there, he can be sensitive and manly and a rugby-player and perfect father and husband and every thing else I want him to be. Now I just have to find him :)

posted by Oreo @ 9:48 PM