Splashing In Puddles of Sand

Same Shit Different Day.....

I feel like i have something to say but I'm not really sure what. I'm realizing what the real world is like. I'm starting to understand what the rest of life will be like. But I hope I am wrong.

I find myself doing the same thing over and over at work every day. I go in, sit down, get to work for about 5 minutes, then start to talk if I am awake enough. At 10:15 me, Stephen, Derrota and Emma take our break. We come back up at 10:40 usually (and it's supposed to be a 15 minute break! haha), then next thing I know I look up at 11:30. Everyday, it never fails, I always see 11:30. Then lunch at 1, back at 2, break at 3:15, work till 5. Home.

Same shit different day, right?

But I dont want that to be my life!

I understand how people can be bitter about their lives, about the routine, about meaningless jobs that they have to work at day after day. I am glad that I am realizing this at 21. I am glad that I have an education. That I have dreams. That I have ambition. That I am not compliant enough to just sink into my chair and do my job for the rest of my life. Some people I work with have been their for 5 years. I wont make it 5 months...I need a change. I need some spark in my life. I need something that I LOVE to do. Something I smile about. Something I look forward to on a Sunday evening. Something I would not be able to live without. I want to be like my mom...I cant ever imagine her retiring. I want something I really do love, something that I would not be able to imagine my life without. And if a Mercedes Benz and a €50000+ salary and an Ailesbury Road mansion all come along with this love-of-my-life job then I will be even happier!

I just want something that defines me.

I always think about how I would love to just up-and-go to another city. Move to London just for the experience. Just to know what it's like. Move to Australia for a few months. Maybe I should do less thinking...just book a flight and make myself go. I dont know. I dont know how I would handle it. How I would make friends. How I would get over the loneliness of a new city when I still feel lonely in a familiar city with family and friends here. Maybe there would be less loneliness somewhere else. Somewhere new. An escape is what I need. But then again, I will hesitate. As always. I will hesitate. And I will spend a lot of time thinking about it but not enough time acting on it. As usual.

posted by Oreo @ 7:50 PM