There is this guy at work. Oh yes it always comes back to guys. We have been drunk together twice and made out twice. I've been working hard to convince friends at work that there will be no office romance though. Taking a pro-active stance I decided to think about what I want last night instead of waiting to see what happens. Last night I decided that I definitely dont want a relationship with him. If it's something casual than maybe, but it will either be just friends or possibly more, but not enough for any sort of real relationship. I just dont want one. But today at work I just felt so strange around him. I dont know if it's just me sorting out my feelings or what. I just tried to avoid him a bit, but by doing that I felt sad. Maybe because I am trying to figure out what he is after as well. I am confused really...
I'm confused by a lot. I just dont know what I want, and what sort of a role I want to take. And what I want everyone to perceive it as. I am tired because I thought about it a lot last night and didnt sleep for a while. There are other guys at work that like me, and I get confused about whether I like them, or just like knowing that they like me. I like attention. And I am a flirt. And it gets me in trouble because I could just want to be friends with a guy and he might think more is going on. But sometimes I get confused about if I just want to be friends or if I want more.
I am just attracted to different things about people. You dont necessarily have to be good looking, or nice, or romantic, or intelligent for me to like you. There are no combination of things that work, I just seem to be able to feel a magnetism towards individual features. I have no type. No guy that I have been interested in is ever like the guy before him, in fact, they are usually very different. So I can feel a pull towards different guys at once because they stimulate different parts of my brain. So that leaves me confused about what I want more. Who I want more.
So right now I just feel like there is this great pressure on me. Why I dont know. Just coming from my own brain. Hmmmm.....
posted by Oreo @ 12:26 PM
1 Comments:
it's okay to feel strange, it's okay to be confused.
it's also okay to like multiple ppl at the same time because they are completely different.
AND OF COURSE it's okay to be a flirt.
*hugs* i hope you sort out your thoughts, i hate being confused.
where are u working???
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