At Verbal War--With One's Self
So today Kate talked about George Bush in her blog, and I followed a link from her site to a site full of Bush quotes. At first I laughed and thought they were funny, but the more I read on the more I questioned how
ANYONE could really come out with the things he says, never mind the
PRESIDENT of one of the world's strongest powers.
"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." So my ten year old cousins read more of the news than the U.S' Commander in CHIEF!??!! He really
doesn't know what's going on then..
"I'm the master of low expectations." We can see that...
"I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things." Really? You coulda fooled me!
"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other." Leading by example, of course...
And this one just tops them all of:
I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace. Oh yeah, how could anyone forget about the peace Bush has brought to Iraq...
All quotes courtesy of Bush himself, via
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushdumbquotes2.htm
Old Friends, New Faces
There are many times when I think about old friends that I haven't talked to in a long time. Friends who used to be so close, but as time went on we just drifted and we led different lives, and now we have nothing to hold us together except for the sake of the old frienship.
Today I'm taking a new direction though. Today I am thankful for all those old friends that I have, who seem to be able to change with me. We dont always lead the same lives, we dont necessarily have the same thoughts, opinions, ambitions. But we
DO hold our friendship in high regard. There will always be some people in my life that, no matter how long I will be apart from them, still make me feel like I never left their side. When I look at them I can see how much they have changed, grown up, all the decisions and events that have shaped them into someone with a
new face, but ultimately, they are still my
old friend. I am thankful for them :) And I hope that all my new friends will some day be old friends. Old friends with new faces.
(This is just a random pic I felt like throwing in with the post!)
Let's Talk Underwear!
For the last few nights I've gone to bed and somehow come up with lots of things I MUST blog about, only to completely forget about them the next day. It's wrecking my head!
Right now I have to do my final piece for agogus! But I cant start writing it, procrastinating as usual...I'm at a total loss for words...so I thought I'd blog :)
In the meantime, I've left you to do some self discovery!
| What Your Underwear Says About You |
You like to think of yourself as innocent, even though you're not!
You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone. |
Our Deepest Fear...
Today I have been thinking about the words below...Especially the first three lines. A lot of people believe Nelson Mandela said this in his inaugural speech in 94, but it's actually from a book by the author mentioned above...
I took out a line or two that I didn't really want to include, just because they mentioned God and while I'm not against that, I think it took away from my reason for posting, because it doesn't only apply to Christians, or only to people who believe in some sort of God, it applies to every single person, no matter what they believe. I like how everyone's individual, unique, different.
Sometimes I wonder where some people find the confidence, the self-belief, to sing their own praises so loudly, to stand on their own and feel totally secure. To speak their minds. To stand up for themselves. To stand up for others.
To be themselves. I'm not sure if this is just something I go through, or if everyone has this, but I certainly have a fallible view of my
self. And this comes in many different forms. Like if I was asked to pick out someone with the same build as I have I'd pick someone bigger than me, because in my head I think I'm fatter. Or I'll look at people I know and think they are so smart/funny/hot/popular, when really other people look at me in this same way.
A lot of times I have been told by others that I am like this, and I never really thought about it until I started to realize how much people told me this. It's easy to see others in a better light than you look at yourself with. It's easy to be insecure and afraid and do nothing instead of the everything you should, everything you want to.
I dont really know what else to say...I think the words say it all. So just give it a read and contemplate it. Think about the fears and insecurites that hold you back, think about areas of your personality that you should let shine, think about how
you can change the world...
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
...Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
...It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other
people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.'
--Marianne Williamson
Ok I think my blog is back up and running....hmmm...I wonder why they tried to knock me out of business? haha!
Anyway...I am gonna get a few things for my trip this weekend. Yay! So I thought I would leave everyone a little task...
I'll be starting a new journal and I need to come up with a title for it. Any suggestions???
AHHH!!!!!
I'M OUT OF ORDER!!!!!!!!
What's blogger done to me?? No one can see my blog! Ahhhhhh!!!! But at least I can still write...hehehe...so expect there to be a lot of posts...
--less
I have nothing in my head today. I couldn't even come up with a title for today's post. I tried to comment on a few of my regular blogs but nothing seems to be taking shape in my head.
I dont know what to blog about.......
I have been reading other blogs today, searching for one to add to the many I already read but everything is meaningless. They are all about knitting clubs, or buying gps systems. or in a weird language. or they are pink and begin with 'my name is X and my boyfriend Y is the best boyfriend ever! My BEST friends are U and V...' blah blah, teenage drama.
So its left me with no inspiration...nothing to do....
Life sets in...
Today I knew what I was going to blog about...but I started reading my usual blogs first and came across
Kate's post, which is closely related to what I was going to write about.
I sat in a hospital waiting room today, on my own, hands shaking. I looked around and saw 6 or 7 other people, different ages, different races, waiting along with me. I realized it was the first time I've ever been in a hospital on my own. And the first time I've ever been in one for myself. I'm used to going in and visiting grandparents, bringing them cards, flowers, newspapers, sitting with them for a while, keeping them company, telling them you hope they get better...it's funny how words can be so empowering at some times, so useless at others. So even though I was an out-patient, I sat imagining myself in a hospital bed. Imagining who would come and visit me, and what they would bring, and what they would say.
I stared at a painting in front of me, a child-like drawing of the sun and flowers and a honey bee, and realized that an hour from then my whole life could be different. In theory, our whole life could change in ANY second of the day, but hospitals and illness and death seems to remind you of that so much more. I thought about how stressed I was driving in to the hospital, all the traffic, trying to find a parking space...and how in less than an hour that could be the least of my worries. I thought of all the plans I have made: meeting a friend for lunch, meeting up with one of my old college lecturers to get references, work in the morning, my trip in three weeks, studying Journalism in September........would
any of that still happen?
Generally in my life I feel brave. I feel like I can take on most things. I can tackle any exam question, I can throw myself off a bridge (bungee cord attached, of course) I can fly a million miles away and be alright (not sure where a million miles away would leave me though...). I dont really
fear many things. But death, death I fear. Death and anything that brings me closer to it. So even though I usually let things like a doctor's appointment not really bother me, today I struggled to push it to the back of my head, to not think about it, to not be afraid.
It's very humbling to be reminded that you
aren't in control of your life. I dont know who is, but at the end of the day, we dont keep ourselves on Earth. We dont keep ourselves healthy and safe and happy. And all of a sudden all of your stresses, problems, issues, responsibilities dissolve away, becuase you realize that in the grand scheme of things, nothing really matters.
Then all of a sudden my thoughts are put on pause. I get called into the doctor's office...time goes by...everyone in the waiting room is still waiting, people in the hospital are being born, getting sick, getting better, dying...people in work are working away as usual, people are having lunch, taking breaks, going away to exotic locations and coming back from them...no one thinks about those 'reality checks' that remind you of the importance of life. No one thinks about them unless they are having one.
Then I come out of the doctor's office. Things are ok. So I walk out of the hospital, feeling only confused and bewildered. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, not just for myself, but for the
billions of people going through the cycle of life that we just dont think about when things are going well for us. So things are alright...for now...but I wonder if it'll take another 10 months before I have another realization that I take
everything for granted. I wonder when I'll feel that same sorrow, and that same joy, for people that I dont even know, situations that I dont even know about.
I wonder if tomorrow I'll go back to my regular life and forget everything that happened today. Maybe I'll wake up in the morning and feel like it was all a dream...and life will go on as normal...for at least another 10 months.
Every war is different, Every war is the same
That's a phrase that stuck with me from the war movie
Jarhead. I watched it last night and while I watched it I sorted my thoughts out for what I wanted to blog about.
War:
a struggle or competition between opposing forces, or for a particular end (Merriam Webster) Keeping in mind that my writings only reflect my own thoughts, I think that war is the most despicable human act imaginable, it is wrong in every possible way. I think it should be a seen as a last resort, instead of being used as a quick-fix to any problem, as it has been used in the last few years. It's not fair to bomb the cities, schools, churches, houses of the innocent. And let's be honest here--the innocent die far more than the guilty in wars. It's not fair to inflict violence and evil (that could otherwise be avoided), when the world has enough natural diseases and disasters to deal with already.
I hate how people get so caught up in propaganda, how literally in a matter of days every household can have a flag waving outside their front door, how they all come together in the destruction of other people who are still humans, just like their enemies.
I hate how being in the military in the U.S is seen as so honorable. It's not! They are told that they will police the world, they will bring security, the will bring down threats, they will be the ultimate authority, the world's leader. For me being in the army is somewhere unfortunate to end up. I know that there may be some honorable people there, and there are many reasons to join the army, as a route to college, etc...but I just cant justify (in my case) agreeing to fight a war that I do not agree with. It may be next year, it may be in 5 or 6 years under new leadership, who knows..you never know where you will be sent out and what you will be asked to fight for and for what reasons. I wouldn't be able to do that. I wouldn't be able to stand up, give my life, for something that I do not agree with, never mind something that I may be against.
Then there's how fucked up people are who sign up for the military. Like I said, there are many reasons to sign up, but a lot of people sign up because they have nothing else to do, because they're stuck in the ghetto with no one who will hire them, with no way of making a living. That or they have some sick perversion where they enjoy watching people suffer, where they get off knowing they have killed someone. Obviously not everyone is like this, but there are some sick people in the military, and the scandals of the sexual abuse, of human rights breaches that the U.S military afflict on Iraqi prisoners...It shows the inconsistent motives behind the war. George Bush claims he's trying to save the Iraqi people by bringing down a dictator and spreading democracy, while his troops mistreat, abuse, and rape Iraqi POWs. It's disgusting.
Another thing I hate is the censorship in the U.S-aka-land of the free. I hate how during the war, TV crews were not allowed to film U.S caskets being flown home. Why? Because admitting that American soldiers were dying would decrease the public's support of the war. Then there's the fact that the leaders of the War--Bush and his military commanders, wont even acknowledge the 30,000 Iraqi lives that have been lost since U.S and British invasion. It's unbelievable how the minute no Weapons of Mass Destruction are found, the U.S claim they were trying to spread democracy, and that was their goal the whole time! Does anybody REALLY still believe that this war is about freeing the poor Iraqi people, most of whom didn't want America (known in Arabic as
The Great Devil) in their country?
This may seem like an attack on the U.S, which it isn't really supposed to be. It's an attack on the injustice of war...All my examples just seem to relate to Bush because they are the most recent I suppose. I just don't see what can be gained from fighting. I don't see what is to be gained from blood-shed and death. And I don't understand how people can be so fickle that they will support it without registering a thought. For some reason I always remember when Britney Spears was asked her opinion on the war, and she smiled and said that she thinks Americans should support their president in any decision he makes, because he's in control. Ok, so if Bush goes on a war path and decides to kill all Arab people, all black people, all gay people in the country, that should be supported??? If he decided, just cuz he wants to, to censor all aspects of the news then he should be allowed to? It's ridiculous that people can follow 'leaders' so blindly. I understand that if they were elected they must have some sort of majoritarian support behind them (or be really good cheaters!) but just because people elect a president doesn't mean he has the right to run free and do what he wants, that will just create an underwritten dictatorship.
Anyway, I am striving off my point. I just don't see the glory of war. Where is it? What is it? WHY is war seen as such a heroic/honorable/important action in the world, especially in the U.S?
A Victim of my Imagination
I've had a lot of unrequited love in my life and today I feel the need to reflect on it. Some of my unrequited loves have been close friends, others-guys that I knew but not very well...but they all had some things in common though.
Unrequited love is torture. There is nothing more agonizing, more horrible, more distressing than loving someone who doesn't love you back. It's incredible how you make yourself feel like this one person is able to light up your world, when all they do is make you miserable because they just cant, they wont, love you. And it's not always that they mean to hurt you, or they want to hurt your, or they even
know how they stab at your soul with every minute that passes while in your prescence when they dont reciprocate your feelings. It's funny how you can let yourself believe so much, you imagination takes you so until one day you crash back into reality.
And I can't forget about the empty pit in your stomach that you feel when you long for them. When you ache for them. When you lie awake at night wondering what you have to do, what you could do, what you would do, to make them fall in love with you.
It's so unfair how you question yourself, how you wonder what is wrong with you, what it is that the other person cant see.
But there's something so...
endearing...about my past unrequited loves. I don't know if everyone goes through it...I guess I just think of it as being a huge part of my adolescence. But everyone that I loved back then, I still remember fondly. Sometimes I still contemplate what could have been, sometimes I feel relief that nothing did happen. In some cases I can now see why nothing happened, in other cases, I still wonder...
I guess relationships that never reached--what you believe--is their full potential will always stay with you. Because you never get the answers, you never get the closure of real relationships. You dont get to fight, to break up, to get mad at one another. You will always hold the fond memories, the images of '
what could have been' in your head.
So today I have started (what will be a long period) of thinking about all those guys I have loved who never found themselves on the 'same page' as I have been. Maybe I will blog about some of them. I'll create secret code names for them all. hehehe.
Another thing I like is when I think about all the guys I've loved who probably never even knew it. And that reminds me of how many people loved me without me ever knowing! haha. (Andy---Leo Leiva comes to mind! haha, but if I would have known I'd have robbed that cradle a long time ago!!!!! jejeje)
Does anyone else have unrequited loves or am I the only loser? haha! It's been a long time since I've loved someone that I haven't been able to have. I guess that's a good thing, but at the same time, it means I haven't felt those feelings in a long time. Maybe it's masochistic or sadist of me to say that it's almost nice to suffer through the feelings of unrequited love. Maybe I just say that because it's been so long since I have felt that agony. Sometimes it seems like you love the people you can never have more than the people who are there for the taking...
Excusing my Absence...
I haven't had anything to blog about for the last few days so I haven't really bothered blogging, but I am hearing that I am being missed so I will try to start up a blogathon and find things to blog about.
Life has been busy with me, which is nice. I have had so many little things to do in the last couple of weeks that I feel like I get one thing off the list and another is added back on...not that I am complaining. I actually like it, it's better than the boring days when you sit in work and all you have on your mind is work. Now my work seems to revolve around phone calls I make regarding the things on my 'to do list', a few emials, some more phone calls (these ones to friends...I do deserve a break of course!), coffee breaks, messing around with my co-workers, and sometimes a little work.
Lately everything in my life seems to be revolving around my trip, which makes sense since I am leaving in just under 4 weeks...but I havent blogged because other than that I have nothing really to say. And I dont want to bore everyone with the same topic every day. I go to work, I come home, get changed, read a few blogs, go to the gym with my sister, come home, shower, eat, watch tv, go to bed and start the same day all over again. I just haven't had time for new interesting events to blog about...I havent really had time to think and contemplate on the state of the world, or the state of my head, either.
So that's what's been up with me...this blog kinda sounds depressing actually. It wasn't meant to come out that way at all, life is good, it's fine, it's just busy right now. I'll think of something to blog about tomorrow....right now, it's off to the gym for me :)
Oh yeah...one thing I've noticed is the countdown timer on my page just stopped working. I think the website was shutdown or went bust or something because I cant access the page or anything....What I SHOULD do is delete it off my blog but I'm too lazy--ahem, I mean busy--to do that now :)
Blogging on the road
Ok so I'm trying to decide what to do about my blog while I'm backpacking.
Should I carry on writing in this blog...
Should I start a new blog on blogger...
or should I blog on a traditional travel blog like
travelblogHmm....since you guys will be the ones that will (*hopefully!*) be reading it, I thought I'd get your opinions! So please please please let me know what you think! The advantage with travel blog sites is the addition of maps and stuff like that....hmmm.....
anyone any opinions to voice?
Secret Lives
Andy posted about
Postsecret one day and I've been hooked to it ever since.
It's a website that is so emotionally
raw. You see happiness, sadness, fear, reluctance, regret, coyness, embarassment, every kind of emotion imaginable...the only thing they all have in common is honesty.
Sometimes I wish I could live my life, even live a DAY being 100% honest--both with myself and others. I dont really lie excessively but sometimes it seems so easy to just elaborate, or make yourself feel better by lying, or make yourself look better or seem better. Sometimes you dont just want to admit you're spending another Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday
alone.
So I like that this website lets people be honest. Even if they cant do it in front of their own friends and family, they're letting it out to someone.
Here's one that reminded me of myself. It's one that I would have sent in, or something someone who knows me would think I would send in...looks like I'm not the only one afraid of love :)
Brokeback Mountain
I saw Brokeback Mountain over the weekend, and I thought it was *amazing* It doesn't take too much to get me to watch a Heath Ledger movie, especially one where he is making out with another guy (yes I am into that kind of stuff! haha!) but there was a lot more substance to the movie than I thought there would be.
It's interesting how it is so common to find two girls kissing on tv--I can think of loads of movies, tv shows, music videos...but when it comes to two guys kissing, it's taboo. That's one of the things that drew me to the movie, the fact that two young, popular actors (Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal) would take on the rolls of being two cowboys who fall in love with one another.
So like I said I thought it was a great movie, and it made you see the relationship in another light. It shied away from all kinds of stereotypes and instead of having the two main characters just fall in love and live happily ever after, it was honest.
That's why I'm shocked, and quite disgusted actually, that movie theatres in the states are banning the movie from being shown. What ever happened to freedom of speech? It's fucking ridiculous. What's worst of all is the fact that the movie is so 'clean'--there's no sexually explicit scenes, no naked body parts flopping around-- which is more than you can say about most movies nowadays. I dont think it's right that just because it is
men kissing in a movie that it creates controversy. Who cares if men, or a man and a woman, or a CAT and a DOG fall in love!!!! Just let people live!!!!!!!!
I found another movie critic who sums up the feeling of the movie properly:
The movie sticks with you, though, as does its belief that love is more important than gender or culture or anything -- that it's important enough to be treasured in secret if necessary. (Ty Burr, The Boston Globe)
THE LATEST...
Today I had dinner with a really good friend of mine from college that I haven't seen enough of lately...it was nice to have a few drinks and catch up and talk about all our men issues and job issues and travels and memories and future plans. Saving and planning my trip has taken up so much time and I haven't seen as much of my friends as I would like to. But it was nice to hear what friends have to say. And we relived our backpacking through Central America and got excited at the thought that we might both be only an hour away from one another in Uni in England next year, and it got me happy about my life and friends here.
And that leads to one of the things I have been afraid of the most lately: I'm kind of afraid that I'll get back and feel even MORE disconnected from my life than I feel now. I already feel like I've drifted so far away from so many of my friends, just as we all go through the whole post-university transition, and going away for 3 months, and then coming back with whole new perspectives will just make me realize even more that I have grown and changed in different ways than my other friends. Some are still in college, others are finished and getting used to the 'real world' like I am.
But then again, hanging out with Clara tonight reminded me that I will always have some friends that, though I may not see them all the time, will still understand me no matter what. And that kind of restored my faith in friendships I guess. And I told her for the first time that I was thinking about journalism and she was so supportive and told me I would be great at it and I guess it's felt like a long time since I've had someone 100% behind me....but that's because I've been forgetting that I can depend on so many of my friends. I've a lot to do tomorrow...including going to the gym and then to watch a rugby match, so I might try to get an early night :)
Everybody
I've spent the last few days contemplating a phrase:
'Everybody loves your life, except you...' I heard it a couple of days ago, not being directed to me, it was somewhere in the background and it caught my attention and got me thinking. It's another one of those
'the grass is always greener' phrases which is spot on. It's so easy to lose focus and forget how good life really is. I've had a bloody boring few months, I've just been lost since August. I'm out of college and have no idea what the future holds, or what I want it to hold. I've become distanced from practically all of my friends because we all just seem to be in different places in life. I've been working a job that I feel over-qualified for, leaving me bored and frustrated. And while I manage to transition into the working world easier than I thought, and I get along very well with everyone at work, I still haven't made close friends. I have a great time at work, I talk to so many people, we laugh, we play practical jokes, we really genuinley have a good time. BUT I know that when I finally walk out of the office for good (in 5 weeks!) that I wont see any of them again. It annoys me that it's so hard to make a friend who really cares. I hate that I can feel so popular yet so alone.
So in the months after leaving San Francisco, I found it far too easy to sit in a corner feeling sorry for myself. Feeling like the world is dark and lonely, like people are evil and have no feelings, like I'm just another body in an over-populated Earth. It's nice to think you are the only person in the world sometimes. But then you get to a slightly better place in life and you think about things, about your lows, about your highs, and you realize how fickle the human mind is. Life can't be perfect all the time. If it was perfect, we wouldn't appreciate it. That's why there is life, and death, and pain, and suffering, and even injustice. We cant experience everything, sometimes we have to learn from other people and their situations.
Sometimes I need to stop everything...stop my life...stop my thinking and contemplating and introversion...and think about it. Think about the places I've been. Think about the people I've met along the way. Think about the moments of uncontrollable, unstoppable laughter. Sometimes even the moments of uncontrollable tears make me smile. I have to think about all the times that people have said to me 'you have such a cool life!' I have to think about the times I have told
myself 'I have such a cool life!' When I can get out of my pity zone and think about my life, it really is good. It really is
GREAT, and I have
NOTHING to complain about.
Sometimes we just need to be reminded not to zoom in too much. We need to be reminded that the fact that we got a coffee that was an inch shy of the top is not the end of the world, that when all the traffic lights seem to be turning yellow right before we get to them is not someone's personal vendetta against us. We need to be reminded that those days where 'nothing else could go wrong' could be a hell of a lot worse, because the fact that we've got two bills to pay and we couldn't find a parking space wouldn't seem so bad if you were lying in a hospital, or standing watching your city being bombed, or waiting for a phone call to hear if your kidnapped friend is still alive...
So I guess there has to be some middle-ground where we live our lives. We cant always focus on ourselves, yet we cant always focus on the world either. We have to be able to allow ourselves to feel sorry, to feel sad, but remember that when our world feels like it's breaking apart and we cant hold on for much longer, that some other people aren't given the luxury of holding on...
The Gap Year
The gap year is probably the most common type of extended travel, undertaken by students in the year immediately after school, college or university. Travelling the world during this period is a very common goal. This enables gap year students to broaden their experience, increase their understanding of themselves and others, as well as being a fun and interesting time. After a gap year of travel, students are able to go to university or start a career with an additional level of confidence. This really does work.
Typical characteristics : most people in this group tend to be lone travellers or with a close friend, in the age 18 - 22 bracket, on working holiday visas, often doing any kind of job they can find. I'm not sure if kids/people/young adults/adults (what ARE we called???) in the States go through the Gap year craze like people over here do. Actually, it's a very
English thing to do...I met more English people while backpacking in Central America than any other nationality. Actually this passage is from an English site (which I lost on my computer so I cant refer you all back to it) because in England 'college' is high school, whereas in Ireland college is the same as university. Although some posh schools here are called colleges. Back to the point: in England I suppose it's almost like a right of passage. But here in Ireland, we're renowned for travelling (or at least running away from the rain!) so while we may not be known for gapping, we are known for being everywhere :)
So this is me heading out on my gap year, except it's not really going for a year. I decided I'd rather stay here and work and be able to save proper money, instead of doing random jobs and trying to scrape by with my wages. I'm sure it would have been a good experience but then again
anything you do in life would provide a lesson or two.
I'm getting excited....five more weeks...and scared....five more weeks...
I havent done anything in the last week regarding preparing for my trip...no reading up on things, no filling out uni forms, no anything really. I've been focusing on not eating and going to the gym too much! haha. So I'm faced with a million things I STILL have to get done.
I'm off to the doctor tomorrow to get vaccines. Ouch.
It's 00:00 on the clock right now...exactly midnight....
Exactly.
Blogging 101
This is post number 101 on my blog!!!
In honour of all the blogs to come, I thought I would blog about my trip :) The countdown timer at the top of this page serves as an obvious reminder of my departure, which is getting closer and closer! So here's where I plan on going:
FEBRUARY 13TH: I leave Ireland! I have to fly through Frankfurt, Singapore and Sydney before finally landing in Auckland at 4:40 pm on February 15th! Valentines day will be spent sharing a glass of champagne (haha only if I get bumped up to Business class) but more likely a plastic glass of white wine, or a can of beer with the person squashed next to me on the plane. Chances are it'll be an old lady but I'm still dreaming of some sexy bloke :) If I cant find a valentine in the 3 countries I'll be in on valentines day then that says something about me. haha. I hate valentines day :)
So I'll spend a month traveling around NZ until
MARCH 16TH when I will fly from Christchurch to Melbourne. I'll do my best to find some kind of a posse to get drunk and celebrate St Patrick's day with on the 17th--it shouldn't be too hard. Finding an Irish person in Australia is about as hard as finding saturated fat in McDonalds.
APRIL 22ND I depart from Sydney and I head to Singapore. I had only planned on spending 2 nights there but because of flights I have to stay there for 4 nights, so I'll try to see if I can escape the city for a couple of days.
APRIL 26TH I fly to Thailand to spend one final week of bliss before I head back to Ireland on
MAY 2ND, arriving there early on
MAY 3RD!
So that's my plan, for now at least! Not too long left before I start writing from my locations instead of about them!
Positive Resolutions
Today I got an incredible email from a friend of mine....the whole email I thought was strangely
positive. It's her new year's resolution to have a positive outlook on life, and it seemed like one of those things that everyone SHOULD be doing, yet you would never think about it. Everyone starts physical resolutions: to lose weight, eat better, stop smoking, drink less....no one tries to make themselves a better person.
As I read the email it just inspired me more and more. It was nice to hear positive things instead of people complaining. And I'm the world's biggest complainer. Strangely enough I have a positive outlook on life but a negative outlook on 'right now.' For me, complaining makes me feel better. It's like saying something negative gets it out of me and I feel better, but then again, it probably drags people around me down. So I think I might try this whole positivity thing. I dont know how, or if, it will work, but I'll give it a try!
Today I'm thinking about what makes me
me and what makes other people different from me. I started wondering what creates personality. I know there is the whole nature vs nurture debate about it, but those are affects on personality, I am talking about the cause of it. What makes people be inherently happy, sad, depressing, boring, smiley, talkative, annoying, bossy, demanding, quiet, or quirky people?
It can't be all about up-bringing because even within my family we all have very different personalities...and if you think about it if it were upbringing then one murderer in a family would make them all murderers, one genius would mean they are all geniuses.
It can't be up to situations and the outside world (aside from our family) because there will always be people with a similar personality to you that haven't experienced the same things you have.
So who or what decides that one person will be loud and talkative while someone else will be shy? Even babies have personalities, some are happy and quiet, some are sociable some are not.
WHERE do these personalities come from? Some think that there is DNA that links up with personality traits, but it's really just theoretical (e.g people with a certain DNA will have a propensity towards violence, adventure...but then again the same people were bouncing around the idea of a 'gay gene' years ago...)
So what makes everyone who they are...who they
naturally are?
Perplexed
I'm sad today but I dont know why...
I was fine till I got home from work...we were all having a good time and doing a bit of a pub quiz because there wasn't much work to be done, and all of a sudden I find myself sitting here feeling sad. It could just be the quiet aftermath after a long day at the office...or at least a day that felt long because I'm used to NOT working because of the holidays.
And I'm faced with a knawing reminder that I have to go to the gym, and I'm starting to believe maybe I am feeling sad just so I can stay home and feel sorry for myself :( But that wont happen! Failure is not an option. Or should I say flab is not an option :) I used to get up and go to the gym no problem, lately it feels like a chore...and I have noticed how out of shape I am now compared to a month ago, which makes me mad. BUT! In 6 weeks I'll be lying out on a beach trying to attract kiwi guys so that I'll have someone to talk to...so to the gym I must go! hehe! When I put it that way...I'm gone :)
2006
I'm glad it's 2006 :) 2005 was a very stressful year college-wise, but it's nice to look back and see that it's all over and all the studying paid off and I graduated with the results I wanted and that was a nice bit of closure to my first stint at college life. On all other fronts this year has been testing. Relationships, old and new were dealt with, new friendships began, while old frienships ended. I've learned a lot about myself, about others, about the good and bad in this world. Thanks to everyone who's taught me some thing that I'll take with me, and hopefully pass on to someone else along the way.
This year is going to be a real change for me, I hate looking into the future and making plans but I already have a loose plan for this year!
It starts out with a 5-week countdown at work, after which I am off to New Zealand, Australia and Asia!!! I get back in May, I'll find myself the perfect job, ideally an internship working with the BBC or The Times in London, if I'm too broke, then working for some high brow newspaper in Ireland :) Then hopefully in September it'll be over to the UK to study some more! That'll bring me up to December where I'll probably go to Honduras for Christmas and New Years and then it'll be 2007.
I dont think I have EVER had a plan for a whole year ahead :) This is scaring me! But then again I never stick to my plans, and they're
very loose plans which leaves loads of room for the unexpected :)
Happy New Year everybody!
